I hated my body for as long as I can remember. I think I was 11 or 12 when I started hiding in baggy close and comparing myself to skinny friends. I was aware that others saw me as “chunky.” My father, on more then one occasion, would point out my 10-20 extra pounds.
It was then I started the Ethosien Diet
In High School there were times I would do 100 sit ups before bed and eat nothing but salad for lunch and a small portion of dinner. Part of me at that time wished I were anorexic. I know how bad that sounds, but it’s true. I longed to be thin. I would look at my thin friends with envy and wondered what it would be like to wear a bathing suit with confidence. I knew I wasn’t obese and I knew most people didn’t think I was “fat” but I was unhappy in my skin. I started wearing oversized clothes and men’s jeans thinking I would hide my chunky frame and round belly.
In college the common freshmen 15, or should I say 25, reared its ugly head. I was not preoccupied with being thin then I was having too much fun eating late night meals and getting my fill at the all you can eat college commons. Do I even need to mention the beer. Ok, I will. there was beer and a lot of it. (sorry mom)
I remember one year I returned home for winter break where a very honest family member pointed out the fact I “put on a few pounds” during a holiday meal. I was in tears. Yet, I didn’t really do much about it. That summer I watched what I ate and dropped a few pounds, settling into a new comfortable higher weight and size.
This cycle continued throughout college. Every school year I would gain about 20 pounds only to lose about half of that the following summer. By the time I graduated I was almost 30 lbs heavier then I was in high school.
I was depressed I let myself go as much I did yet I still really didn’t do much about it. I remember wanting to be thin and trying to get control of me eating but never staying motivated enough to stay on a diet. My need to eat always seemed to take over my desire to be thin.